When the Holidays Hurt: Understanding the Holiday Blues and How to Cope

For many people, the holiday season feels anything but festive. While others seem to be experiencing joy, decorating homes, planning gatherings, or counting down to celebrations, you might feel like you're just trying to make it through.

The reality is, the holidays are not a joyful time for everyone—and that’s okay.

This time of year can be deeply emotional. Whether it’s due to grief, family tension, financial strain, or simply feeling disconnected, the gap between how you're supposed to feel and how you actually feel can be incredibly painful. It’s something we hear often in therapy—and it deserves space and compassion.

Why the Holidays Can Feel So Heavy

Despite what culture tells us, it’s completely normal to find this season difficult. Here are some reasons why:

Grief and Loss Feel Sharper

The absence of a loved one can feel especially stark during the holidays. You might notice it in the quiet moments—when a favorite tradition no longer makes sense, or an empty seat reminds you of who’s missing.

Family Dynamics Aren’t Always Joyful

Some families bring comfort and warmth. Others stir anxiety, guilt, or resentment. If your family relationships are strained, complicated, or nonexistent, the holidays can highlight that pain in ways that feel inescapable.

Loneliness Becomes More Visible

Being alone during a season that emphasizes togetherness can be incredibly isolating. Even those who are surrounded by people can feel emotionally alone—especially if their experience doesn’t match the mood of the room.

Financial Pressure Builds

Between gifts, travel, holiday meals, and social events, the financial burden of the season can add significant stress. The pressure to keep up or make others happy—even when budgets are tight—can leave people feeling inadequate or ashamed. When your wallet doesn’t match your expectations (or others'), it can be overwhelming.

There’s Pressure to Be Happy

The unspoken expectation to be cheerful, grateful, and festive can feel overwhelming. If you’re already feeling down or burnt out, that pressure can add to the weight you’re carrying.

What You Can Do to Support Yourself

There’s no one right way to move through this season, but there are ways to care for your emotional well-being and find a sense of steadiness.

1. Redefine What the Holidays Mean to You

You get to choose how (or if) you participate. Maybe that means skipping certain traditions, creating new ones, or simply allowing yourself to opt out. There’s no obligation to follow a script that doesn’t fit your life right now.

Ask yourself:

What would feel supportive to me this year?

2. Set Clear Boundaries

You are not obligated to say yes to every invite, event, or expectation. Whether you need to limit your time with family, take breaks during gatherings, or decline altogether—it’s okay. Boundaries are a form of self-respect.

3. Build Small, Supportive Routines

Having a few daily or weekly rituals can offer a sense of calm and control. These don’t have to be big or impressive. Even a 10-minute walk, a quiet cup of tea, or journaling before bed can be grounding.

4. Seek Out Natural Light

Less daylight affects mood. Try to get outside during the day, even briefly. Morning light is especially helpful. If you struggle with energy or mood during the winter, talk to your therapist about light therapy options for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD).

5. Stay Connected—Gently

Connection doesn’t need to be grand. A simple check-in with a friend or attending a low-pressure community event can help. And if you're feeling isolated, therapy offers a safe space where you don’t need to pretend you're okay.

6. Be Curious About Your “Shoulds”

Statements like “I should be happy” or “I shouldn’t feel this way” often create shame. Instead, try noticing what you are feeling with curiosity and kindness.

Ask:

What’s really coming up for me right now? What do I need?

7. Create Small Moments of Meaning

The holidays don’t have to be grand or perfect to matter. Light a candle in memory of someone. Write a note to yourself with care. Play music that resonates with how you actually feel. These quiet acts can be deeply comforting.

A Gentle Reminder

It’s okay if your holidays look different this year—or every year. It’s okay if you don’t feel joyful. And it’s okay to take care of yourself, even if that means doing less, seeing fewer people, or skipping the celebrations entirely.

You’re not broken for feeling differently than those around you. You’re human. And your experience matters.

If You’re Struggling

Therapy can help you find your footing in the messiness of this season. Whether you're grieving, overwhelmed, or simply feeling out of sync, counselling offers a space to reflect, process, and feel supported without judgment or pressure to “fix” anything.

You don’t have to navigate the holidays alone. Learn more about how our counsellors can support.