What Is Sex Therapy? Benefits of Sex Therapy in Couples Counselling
Wondering what sex therapy is and how it can help your relationship? Sex therapy improves communication, intimacy, and sexual satisfaction. Learn how sex therapy can address common challenges and strengthen your connection.
If you’re wondering, what is sex therapy? and how it can help couples, you’re not alone. Many couples experience challenges with intimacy or sexual connection at some point, and that’s completely normal. Sex therapy is a specialized kind of counselling that helps partners improve their sexual health and emotional closeness — and it’s often a powerful part of couples counselling.
What Exactly Is Sex Therapy?
Sex therapy focuses on addressing sexual concerns, such as low desire, performance anxiety, pain during sex, or differences in sexual needs. A sex therapist helps you and your partner explore physical, emotional, and relational factors that affect your sex life. Unlike general counselling, sex therapy dives into the unique challenges around intimacy, communication, and sexual satisfaction.
Sex therapy sessions can be done individually or together, and they often include education, communication skills, and practical techniques to help couples reconnect.
Key Benefits of Sex Therapy in Couples Counselling
1. Improved Communication About Sex
Many couples find it hard to talk openly about their sexual needs and worries. Sex therapy creates a safe, non-judgmental space where both partners can express themselves honestly and listen deeply. This helps build understanding and empathy.
2. Enhanced Emotional Intimacy
Sexual difficulties often reflect underlying emotional issues. By addressing these together, sex therapy can help couples rebuild trust, feel closer, and deepen their emotional connection.
3. Resolving Sexual Difficulties
Whether you’re facing low libido, erectile dysfunction, painful intercourse, or other challenges, sex therapy provides tools and strategies to overcome these hurdles and improve sexual satisfaction.
4. Increased Relationship Satisfaction
Improving your sexual connection often boosts your overall relationship satisfaction. Couples who work through sexual issues report less frustration and more affection, respect, and joy together.
5. Healing From Past Trauma
If you or your partner have experienced trauma affecting your sexual relationship, sex therapy offers specialized support to heal and move forward in a safe, compassionate way.
6. Building Sexual Confidence and Pleasure
Sex therapy encourages exploration and communication about desires, boundaries, and fantasies — helping couples feel more confident and adventurous in their sexual relationship.
Who Can Benefit From Sex Therapy?
Couples experiencing mismatched sexual desire.
Partners dealing with sexual dysfunction or pain.
Individuals or couples recovering from trauma.
Couples wanting to improve intimacy and emotional connection.
Anyone facing changes in sex life due to stress, health, or life transitions.
Ready to Strengthen Your Relationship?
Sex therapy can be a game-changer for couples looking to improve intimacy, communication, and satisfaction. If you’re curious about how sex therapy can help you and your partner, schedule a free phone consult with our sex therapist or read more about the services she offers.
Why Communication Breaks Down—And How to Rebuild It
Misunderstandings often stem from how we communicate, not just what we say. This post explores why communication breaks down—and how to rebuild connection through clarity, curiosity, and trust.
We’ve all been there. You’re trying to express how you feel, but somehow it turns into an argument. Or maybe the silence between you and your partner is louder than any words. You wonder: When did it get this hard just to talk to each other?
At our Coquitlam counselling practice, one of the most common concerns we hear is this:
“We’re just not communicating the way we used to.”
Whether it’s with a partner, a family member, or a close friend, communication breakdown can leave you feeling stuck, lonely, and misunderstood. But the truth is, communication challenges are rarely about a lack of love—they’re usually about missing tools, unspoken needs, and emotional patterns we’ve never been taught to recognize.
Let’s explore why communication tends to break down—and more importantly, how you can start rebuilding it.
Common Reasons Communication Breaks Down
1. We Start Assuming Instead of Asking
It’s easy to fall into the trap of “mind reading.” We assume we know what the other person is thinking—or we expect them to automatically know what we need. These unspoken expectations can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Example: You come home from a stressful day hoping your partner will offer comfort. They don’t seem to notice, and instead talk about their day. You feel dismissed. They feel confused. A small misstep snowballs.
2. Emotional Triggers Hijack the Conversation
When we’re triggered, we often react from past pain rather than the present moment. A simple question can feel like criticism. A neutral comment can feel like rejection. These emotional flashpoints make healthy communication almost impossible unless they’re acknowledged and understood.
3. Needs Go Unspoken (Until It’s Too Late)
Many of us struggle to name or express our needs. We might worry about sounding “needy” or “too much.” But when needs aren’t voiced, resentment can build silently over time—and surface as irritation, withdrawal, or conflict.
4. Conflict Is Avoided—or Exploded
Some people retreat to avoid conflict, while others become louder to be heard. Both styles can feel threatening to the other person. Over time, the relationship may feel unsafe for open dialogue, and both people shut down.
5. Life Gets in the Way
Jobs, kids, stress, and screens often get the first slice of our attention. The people closest to us get what’s left—if anything. Without intentional space for connection, communication becomes more about logistics than emotional intimacy.
Common Communication Myths—Debunked
Many people carry misconceptions about what “good communication” looks like, which can make struggles feel even more confusing or discouraging. Let’s clear up some of the most common myths:
Myth 1: Good communication means never arguing.
Truth: Healthy communication doesn’t mean always agreeing or avoiding conflict. It means being able to express differences respectfully and listen openly.Myth 2: If we love each other, we should understand each other without words.
Truth: Love is powerful, but it’s not mind-reading. Expressing feelings and needs clearly is essential for true connection.Myth 3: Talking more will solve communication problems.
Truth: It’s not about quantity but quality. Meaningful conversations happen when both people feel safe, heard, and understood.Myth 4: One person is responsible for fixing communication.
Truth: Communication is a two-way street. Both partners need to engage and take responsibility for creating connection.
Recognizing these myths can help ease frustration and open up space for learning new skills.
What Science Says About Communication and Connection
Understanding the psychological and biological side of communication can shed light on why it’s sometimes so hard—and why rebuilding it feels so rewarding.
The Brain’s Response to Feeling Heard:
When we feel genuinely listened to, our brain releases oxytocin, often called the “bonding hormone.” This chemical helps us feel safe and connected, reinforcing positive interactions.Attachment Styles Influence How We Communicate:
Our early experiences with caregivers shape how we relate to others. For example, someone with an anxious attachment style may crave reassurance and fear abandonment, while someone with avoidant attachment may struggle with closeness. Recognizing these patterns helps explain communication challenges.The Role of Emotional Regulation:
When emotions run high, the brain’s “thinking” center (prefrontal cortex) can shut down, making it hard to process information calmly. That’s why taking breaks during heated conversations is not avoidance—it’s necessary for effective communication.Nonverbal Communication Is Powerful:
Studies suggest that up to 70-90% of communication is nonverbal—tone of voice, facial expressions, body language. Sometimes what’s unsaid speaks louder than words.
How to Rebuild Stronger Communication
The good news? Communication is a skill—and like any skill, it can be learned, strengthened, and healed. Here are a few powerful places to start:
1. Make Space for Intentional Conversations
Set aside even 10–15 minutes a few times a week for honest check-ins. No distractions. No multitasking. Just space to listen, share, and reconnect. Think of it as emotional maintenance for your relationship.
2. Learn to Listen Without Fixing
Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can offer is our presence. Instead of jumping in with advice or solutions, try simply saying:
“That sounds really tough. I’m here with you.”
This kind of listening creates emotional safety—and often opens the door to deeper conversations.
3. Speak From the “I”
“I feel hurt when...” lands much differently than “You never...”
Using “I” statements helps lower defensiveness and keeps the focus on your emotional experience rather than blaming the other person.
4. Pause, Then Return
If a conversation gets heated, it’s okay to hit pause. Take a walk. Breathe. Then come back when you’re both calmer. This isn’t avoidance—it’s emotional regulation.
5. Consider Counselling as a Safe Container
You don’t have to untangle communication issues alone. Counselling can offer guidance, structure, and tools to help both people feel seen and heard. It’s not about choosing sides—it’s about creating understanding.
Reconnection Is Possible
When communication breaks down, it can feel like you're drifting further apart with every conversation—or lack thereof. But it doesn't mean your relationship is broken. It means something deeper is asking for your attention.
Whether you're navigating a long-term relationship, co-parenting, or trying to reconnect after a rough patch, support is available. At our Coquitlam counselling practice, we help individuals and couples explore the root causes of communication challenges and build new ways of relating that feel authentic, respectful, and safe.
Ready to Talk—and Be Heard?
If you're feeling disconnected or misunderstood in your relationship, you're not alone. Communication can be rebuilt—with the right tools, a little support, and a lot of compassion.
Read more about couples/marriage counselling and how counselling can help you strengthen the way you connect. You can also learn more about our counsellors and how they can help.
How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty
Setting boundaries can be hard—especially when guilt gets in the way. This blog explores why boundary-setting feels uncomfortable, how to move past guilt, and how counselling can support you in creating healthy, respectful limits in your relationships.
Setting boundaries is a key part of maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your mental health — but many people struggle with one major obstacle: guilt.
You may know that saying “no” or asking for space is the right choice, but still feel overwhelmed with worry about how others will respond. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone — and the good news is that learning to set boundaries without guilt is possible.
At Kristen Holbrook Counselling, we help clients explore boundary-setting as a powerful part of self-care and emotional healing. Here’s how to start setting boundaries that feel good — and stick.
What Are Boundaries, Really?
Boundaries are the limits we set to protect our time, energy, values, and emotional wellbeing. They help define what we’re okay with and what we’re not.
Examples of healthy boundaries:
Saying no to social events when you need rest
Not answering work emails outside of office hours
Asking for emotional support without judgment
Limiting contact with people who drain or disrespect you
Boundaries aren’t about pushing others away — they’re about creating space for healthier connection and self-respect.
Why Does Setting Boundaries Feel So Hard?
If setting boundaries leaves you feeling selfish, guilty, or anxious, you’re not alone. These feelings often come from:
People-pleasing habits
Fear of conflict or being disliked
Cultural or family expectations
Low self-worth or over-responsibility for others’ emotions
For many people, the difficulty starts early. In your family of origin, you may not have seen boundaries modelled in healthy ways — or you may have learned that your needs weren’t welcome.
Were you told it was rude to say “no”?
Did you feel responsible for keeping the peace?
Were your emotional or physical boundaries regularly ignored?
If your voice wasn’t heard growing up, or setting limits led to guilt or consequences, it makes sense that boundary-setting feels unsafe or selfish now. If you were never shown that boundaries are healthy, it’s understandable that they feel unfamiliar or even threatening. But boundaries are a learnable skill — and one that can transform how you relate to yourself and others.
How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt
1. Recognize that guilt doesn’t mean you’re wrong
Guilt may show up simply because you’re doing something new. Instead of avoiding guilt, try to ride the wave — notice the discomfort, and act from your values anyway.
If you feel guilty, set the boundary anyway. The only way guilt fades is by practicing the new behavior. Over time, your nervous system begins to recognize that it’s safe to speak up — and boundary-setting becomes your new normal.
“Discomfort doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice — it might just mean it’s a new one.”
2. Start with small, low-stakes boundaries
Build your confidence by setting limits in everyday situations and practice with those that you know will respect your boundaries:
“I won’t be available after 6 PM.”
“I am unable to talk tonight, I will call you tomorrow.”
These small moments help you rewire the belief that your needs aren’t allowed.
3. If your default is saying “yes,” buy yourself time
If you tend to say yes automatically out of habit, pressure, or people-pleasing, one of the most helpful tools is to pause.
Try saying:
“Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”
“Can I think about that and let you know?”
Giving yourself space allows you to check in with your real needs instead of reacting from guilt or obligation.
4. Use “I” statements and stay kind but firm
You can be respectful and compassionate and hold a boundary.
Example: “I really value our friendship, and I also need some space right now to recharge.”
5. Don’t overexplain or justify your boundaries
Many of us were taught that we have to “earn” our no — especially if we grew up in environments where saying no wasn’t accepted. But you don’t need to provide a long explanation or defend your choice. You are allowed to protect your time and energy — without guilt, without apologies.
Short, clear statements are enough:
“I’m not available that day.”
“That doesn’t work for me.”
“I need to say no.”
The more you practice this, the more grounded your boundaries will feel.
6. Separate others’ reactions from your responsibility
You can’t control how someone feels about your boundary — only how you express it.
You are responsible for your needs. They are responsible for their reactions.
This separation is key in letting go of guilt.
7. Explore the roots of guilt in therapy
When guilt feels overwhelming or deeply ingrained, it’s often tied to old emotional patterns — like childhood beliefs that your worth depends on being agreeable, accommodating, or self-sacrificing.
Therapy can help you explore where those beliefs came from, understand them with compassion, and learn how to shift them.
You Deserve Space to Protect Your Wellbeing
Healthy boundaries are a crucial part of emotional wellness — and learning to set them without guilt can be freeing, empowering, and healing.
At Kristen Holbrook Counselling, our experienced team in Coquitlam can help you:
Understand the emotional roots of guilt and people-pleasing
Learn boundary-setting tools that feel clear and compassionate
Strengthen your confidence and sense of self
Learn more about our counsellors or book a free 15-minute consultation today to get support in creating boundaries that honour your needs and deepen your relationships — without the guilt.
Why Summertime Can Be Hard for Mental Health (And What You Can Do About It)
Everyone assumes summer is the season of joy, freedom, and ease. But for many, the longer days can bring unexpected waves of anxiety, loneliness, or burnout. If you’re not feeling “summery” this year, you’re not alone—and there’s nothing wrong with you. Reaching out for counselling or speaking with a trusted counsellor can make all the difference.
When people talk about summer, the usual words that come to mind are “carefree,” “relaxed,” or “happy.” Social media is full of vacations, family outings, and sunny moments that seem picture-perfect. But what happens when summer doesn’t feel that way to you?
In therapy, we see this all the time: clients feel out of step with the season. While others seem energized, they feel stuck, anxious, overwhelmed—or even depressed. And that can feel incredibly isolating, like you're doing something wrong. The truth? You're not.
Let’s talk about why summer can be emotionally challenging, and what you can do to support your mental health through it—with or without professional counselling.
Why Summer Can Be Emotionally Challenging
1. More Sunlight, More Pressure
With the longer days come increased expectations to do more, be more social, or enjoy life more. If you’re already emotionally exhausted, these pressures can feel suffocating.
2. Disrupted Routines
For students, parents, or anyone affected by the school calendar, summer often brings a major routine shift. Routines that once provided stability may disappear—leading to sleep issues, lack of structure, and emotional dysregulation. This is something many people work through in counselling sessions.
3. Body Image Anxiety
Summer often means more skin, swimsuits, and the ever-present "bikini body" talk. For those struggling with body image or disordered eating, this season can feel hyper-exposing and triggering. Talking with a registered clinical counsellor can help unpack the root of these body image challenges in a safe, non-judgmental space.
4. Social Comparison
Summer often amplifies comparison. Whether it’s watching others travel, socialize, or thrive—those highlight reels can intensify feelings of loneliness or “not enoughness.”
5. Financial Strain
Summer activities, vacations, and camps can be costly. If you're already stressed financially, summer can feel less like a break and more like a burden. This strain—along with financial guilt or pressure—can be explored in therapy to help you manage expectations more realistically.
6. Changes in Childcare or Responsibilities
If you're a parent or caregiver, summer may mean juggling more—kids at home, fewer breaks, and shifting priorities that leave little space for rest or self-care. Many parents find counselling support especially helpful during these seasonal shifts.
And let’s name this, too: parent guilt is real. You may feel like you're supposed to create a magical, memory-filled summer with endless energy for outings, snacks, and playtime. But if you're running on empty, that expectation can feel impossible—and defeating.
It’s okay if you don’t have something planned every day. It’s okay if screen time happens. You are not failing your children—you’re showing up the best you can. Sometimes the most meaningful summer moments come from slowing down, not speeding up.
7. Seasonal Affective Disorder (Summer-Onset)
Yes—it’s real. While most people associate SAD with winter, a smaller group experiences it in the summer, triggered by heat, excessive light, or changes in routine. A trained counsellor can help assess if seasonal depression is affecting you and support you with strategies that work.
How Summer Can Be Hard on Relationships
Summer isn't just about personal stress—it can also put unexpected pressure on our relationships.
Increased Time Together (or Apart)
More time at home or on vacation might sound ideal, but it can bring underlying tensions to the surface. Without the regular distractions of school or work, couples may notice communication issues, mismatched expectations, or differences in energy levels.
On the flip side, summer can also mean spending less time together—especially if one partner is traveling, working long hours, or busy with kids. That disconnection can leave both people feeling unseen or unsupported. Couples counselling can be an important space to reconnect.
Different Ideas of Fun
Not everyone enjoys summer the same way. One person might want to be out hiking every weekend, while the other craves quiet evenings inside. When partners have different ideas of what “a good summer” looks like, it can lead to frustration or resentment—something that can be gently unpacked in couples therapy.
Family Visits and Social Pressures
Summer often brings more social obligations: barbecues, reunions, in-laws visiting. These can stir anxiety, unspoken boundaries, or old wounds—especially if one partner feels obligated while the other feels overwhelmed.
Parenting Stress
If you have children, summer can mean navigating child care, sibling conflict, screen time, and lack of downtime. That stress often spills over into the couple dynamic, leaving both partners feeling depleted.
What You Can Do to Support Your Mental Health in Summer
1. Let Go of the “Shoulds”
You don’t have to love summer. You don’t have to go camping, host barbecues, or enjoy every sunny moment. It’s okay if summer doesn’t feel like your season, or maybe it’s just not your season this year.
Instead, ask yourself:
What would feel good—or at least manageable—for me this week?
2. Protect Your Routine (Where You Can)
Even loose structure can offer grounding. Aim to wake up and go to bed around the same time. Plan meals, movement, or breaks that help you feel steady.
3. Limit Social Media
If seeing everyone else’s “perfect” summer is affecting your mood, take a step back. A break from constant comparison can restore perspective—and reduce anxiety.
4. Reconnect With What You Truly Enjoy
Instead of chasing someone else’s summer, lean into activities that actually nourish you. That could be reading in the shade, taking a solo walk, or enjoying a quiet morning coffee outside.
5. Make Space to Feel What You’re Feeling
Give yourself permission to not be okay—even when it’s sunny. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or meeting with a counsellor can help you process feelings without shame.
6. Reach Out for Support
You don’t have to go through this alone. Therapy is a safe space to talk through how you're feeling, explore what’s coming up for you, and learn tools to cope in a way that fits your life and relationships.
You’re Not Alone—Even If It Feels That Way
Mental health doesn’t take a summer break. If you’re struggling right now, that doesn’t make you broken—it makes you human.
Whether you’re carrying anxiety, burnout, relationship tension, or a deep sense of disconnection, you deserve support. You deserve rest. You deserve care.
And it’s okay to seek help—even when the sun is shining.