Are You Engaging in Distorted Thinking? How Cognitive Distortions Shape Your Reality
Sometimes the way we think can twist reality, leading to distorted thoughts that affect how we feel and act. Understanding these patterns is the first step to clearer thinking
Have you ever been absolutely sure of a conclusion—only to second-guess yourself later? Or has someone pointed out that your reaction seemed irrational in hindsight? If so, you may have been engaging in distorted thinking, often driven by something called cognitive distortions.
What Are Cognitive Distortions?
Cognitive distortions are automatic, habitual patterns of thinking that lead us to conclusions not fully grounded in reality. These mental shortcuts often "fill in the blanks" when we lack complete information, usually without us realizing it.
We all use cognitive distortions from time to time. They're part of how the brain tries to make quick judgments. But when left unchecked, these patterns can fuel anxiety, anger, and negative self-perception.
How Do Cognitive Distortions Work?
Cognitive distortions are especially active when we’re feeling anxious, angry, or overwhelmed—times when the brain’s reasoning center isn’t fully engaged. In these moments, we’re more likely to rely on emotional thinking or assumptions.
Example: Mind Reading
Imagine this: you see an acquaintance, wave hello, and they walk past without acknowledging you. You immediately think, “They must not like me.”
That’s a cognitive distortion known as ‘mind reading’—assuming you know what someone else is thinking without any real evidence. In reality, the person may have simply not seen you or been lost in thought.
Why Are Cognitive Distortions Harmful?
These distorted patterns often lead us to build emotional “cases” based on assumptions, not facts. Once a biased belief is formed, we unconsciously look for evidence to support it—strengthening the distortion and deepening the emotional impact.
Over time, distorted thinking can:
Increase stress and anxiety
Fuel anger or resentment
Damage self-esteem
Create conflict in relationships
Prevent clear, rational decision-making
How to Recognize and Challenge Distorted Thinking
Step 1: Learn the Types of Cognitive Distortions
Some common types include:
All-or-Nothing Thinking – “If I fail at this, I’m a total failure.”
Catastrophizing – Expecting the worst-case scenario.
Overgeneralizing – “I always mess up.”
Labeling – “I’m such a loser.”
Should Statements – “I should always be in control.”
The more familiar you are with these patterns, the easier they are to spot.
Step 2: Identify the Thought
When you notice a strong emotional reaction, pause and ask:
“What was I just thinking?”
“Is this thought based on facts or assumptions?”
Step 3: Challenge the Thought
Use a cognitive distortions worksheet or challenging questions tool to help you reframe your thinking:
“What else could explain this situation?”
“Would I say this to a friend?”
“What evidence do I have that this thought is true—or false?”
Final Thoughts: Reclaiming Clarity and Emotional Balance
Distorted thinking isn’t a flaw—it’s a habit. But it’s one that can be changed with awareness, curiosity, and consistent practice.
By learning to recognize cognitive distortions, you can take a powerful step toward clearer thinking, improved emotional regulation, and healthier relationships—with yourself and others.
Additional Resources:
List of cognitive distortions.
Challenging questions worksheets: a shortened version and a longer version with examples.
How Core Beliefs Shape Relationships: Why You and Your Partner See Things So Differently
Our core beliefs act as lenses through which we interpret the world, shaping how we see situations and others—explaining why perspectives often differ.
What Are Core Beliefs?
Core beliefs are the deeply held assumptions we have about ourselves, others, and the world around us. They influence how we think, feel, and behave—often without us even realizing it. These beliefs are usually hidden in our mental “blind spots,” but they shape how we interpret events and relate to others, including our romantic partners.
How Are Core Beliefs Formed?
Core beliefs are formed early in life, primarily through our experiences within our family of origin—the first community we belong to.
They are shaped by the messages we receive directly or indirectly through:
What we're told
What is modeled for us
How we perceive the world around us
These messages may be explicit ("You’re so smart") or implicit (emotional neglect or inconsistency). Over time, they become the internal framework through which we understand ourselves and others—what psychologists call a subjective reality.
A Helpful Analogy: The Tree and the Roots
Think of a person like a tree:
Core beliefs are the roots—hidden but foundational.
Just like roots are influenced by the soil, water, and space in which they grow, our beliefs are shaped by the emotional environment of our childhood.
If you grew up in a loving, stable home, you may develop core beliefs like:
I am lovable.
People can be trusted.
The world is safe.
On the other hand, if you grew up with criticism, chaos, or neglect, your beliefs might sound like:
I’m not good enough.
Others will hurt me.
The world is unpredictable or unsafe.
By around age five, our beliefs begin to solidify. Like the top layer of soil covering the roots, we may no longer be aware of these beliefs, they continue to shape how we respond to life and relationships.
Core Beliefs in Romantic Relationships
Because core beliefs operate beneath the surface, they can lead to misunderstandings, assumptions, and emotional conflict between partners. Two people can interpret the same moment in very different ways:
One person might view a missed text message as rejection.
The other might see it as no big deal and assume everything’s fine.
These differing interpretations are often driven by unconscious beliefs, not the actual behavior.
Core beliefs can also affect how we perceive our partner’s intentions. If I believe deep down that I’m not important, I may interpret my partner being late as proof that I don’t matter—even if they were stuck in traffic.
Understanding Core Beliefs Can Strengthen Your Relationship
When you become more aware of your own core beliefs, and take the time to understand your partner’s, you gain powerful tools for:
Building empathy
Reducing conflict and misunderstanding
Strengthening emotional intimacy and connection
Creating a more compassionate and supportive relationship
Final Thoughts
Your core beliefs shape the lens through which you view your partner, your relationship, and even yourself. By becoming more curious about these hidden influences, you open the door to deeper understanding, healthier communication, and greater emotional connection.
Interested in learning more about how core beliefs affect your relationship?
Read more about our counsellors who can help you explore these patterns in a safe, supportive space.
Understanding Core Beliefs: How Early Experiences Shape Your Identity
Discover how your core beliefs shape your authentic self — and unlock the path to true self-awareness and growth
Ever wonder why certain thoughts or behaviors seem to play on repeat in your life? Or why some patterns feel so deeply ingrained that they’re hard to break?
The answer may lie in your core beliefs, the deep-rooted ideas you hold about yourself, others, and the world around you.
What Are Core Beliefs?
In psychology, particularly in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Adlerian theory, core beliefs refer to the foundational assumptions that guide your thoughts, emotions, and behavior. These beliefs develop early in life, often shaped by your childhood environment, including:
Direct messages from caregivers or authority figures
Observed behavior or emotional modeling
Implicit experiences and unspoken assumptions
Your personal interpretation of events
Although core beliefs are highly subjective, we often treat them as absolute truths, even when they don’t serve us.
The Self-Reinforcing Nature of Core Beliefs
Core beliefs act like internal filters. Once they form, we tend to:
Accept information that confirms them (confirmation bias)
Reject or question anything that contradicts them
Behave in ways that reinforce them (self-fulfilling prophecy)
In this way, core beliefs become self-perpetuating loops that shape our emotional lives and decision-making—often without our awareness.
Common Negative Core Beliefs
Negative core beliefs are often rooted in early emotional wounds. Some common examples include:
About the Self:
I’m a failure
I don’t belong
I’m not lovable
About Others:
People will always let me down
No one can be trusted
People are only out for themselves
About the World:
The world is dangerous
Life is chaotic
Bad things always happen
How Core Beliefs Shape Your Life
Let’s look at how core beliefs silently influence thoughts and behavior:
If you believe you’re a failure, you may minimize your achievements and avoid challenges, which reinforces feelings of inadequacy.
If you believe people are untrustworthy, you may be overly guarded, unintentionally pushing others away—then interpret their distance as proof of your belief.
If you see the world as unsafe, you might avoid unfamiliar situations. The anxiety that results becomes more “evidence” for the belief, even if the threat isn’t real.
These are classic patterns in emotional reasoning and behavioral avoidance—tools your mind uses to protect you, even if they limit you in the long run.
How Core Beliefs Affect Your Connection to the Authentic Self
Your authentic self is who you are beneath the layers of conditioning—your natural personality, interests, boundaries, and values.
When negative core beliefs dominate, they act like internal censors, distorting your self-image. You might:
Dismiss your strengths
Avoid new opportunities
Cling to old patterns rooted in childhood survival
Over time, you may continue reacting as if you're still the vulnerable child who first developed these beliefs—rather than the capable adult you are now. This keeps you locked in a narrow, outdated version of yourself.
How to Identify Your Core Beliefs
You don’t need to consciously “remember” every childhood experience to uncover your core beliefs. Instead, start by noticing:
Recurring negative thoughts or emotional reactions
Repetitive behavior patterns in relationships, work, or self-image
Situations that cause disproportionate emotional distress
Ask yourself:
Where might this belief have originated?
Is this belief helping or harming me?
Exploring your family dynamics and early life experiences can provide additional insight. Working with a therapist can also help reveal blind spots and facilitate self-discovery.
How to Challenge and Change Limiting Beliefs
Once you identify a limiting belief, the next step is to challenge it with curiosity and compassion—not criticism.
Try these evidence-based strategies:
Ask: What would I say to a friend with this belief?
Collect real-life evidence that contradicts the belief
Invite feedback from people you trust and who view you differently
Use a thought journal to track and reframe recurring beliefs
You can also experiment with new behaviors that challenge your belief. For example, if you believe you’re incapable, try a small task that proves otherwise.
Reclaiming Your True Identity
Breaking free from limiting core beliefs allows you to reconnect with your true, multifaceted self. Start by:
Exploring your values, interests, and boundaries
Trying new experiences to see how you've grown
Practicing self-compassion when old beliefs surface
Replacing outdated narratives with ones that reflect your current reality, not your childhood lens
Final Thoughts: You Are Not Your Old Story
Your early experiences shaped your beliefs—but they don’t have to define your future.
By learning to recognize and challenge negative core beliefs, you give yourself permission to grow, change, and finally meet the version of you that was always waiting underneath.